i'm the director....HAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (thunder sound)
Main Characters
Narrator (speaks good English but in the Malay slang)
Christine (pathetic actress, pretty, fair and rosy cheeks, black hair)
The phantom, Erik (short, ugly, and if possible, has a french accent)
Raoul, The Prosperous Man’s Son aka the PMS (handsome but stupid)
Side Characters
Carlotta (bitchy, talented drama queen)
Actor (who plays Romeo)
Judges (Chief judge, 2 others)
Torturers, (the torture leader and 3/4/5 sidekicks)
Gossipers (2)
Backdrop singers and dancers (6/7)
Interrupting audience(1)
Postman (optional)
* In all scenes, the narrator stood at the side, only to appear in the last scene.
* At all times, The Phantom wears a hideous mask, only to open it at the end. Therefore, the person acting as The Phantom must be capable in showing her expression with her eyes and voice.
Costumes
Modern day clothes, teenage style
Acting costumes for Romeo & Juliet performance, long dress, knee-length tights and shirt
Mafia style, long pants and blazers
Cloak and mask for The Phantom
Scene 1
(Stage: In the studio)
Actresses getting ready for their dance practice.*music: Kylie Minogue;slow* Some were chatting, some just entered the dance studio, Carlotta was showing off to some admiring girls. Christine walked in, looking around quite nervously but at the same time being envied by some girls because of her pretty face and silky black hair.(music dies down)
Narrator : This is Christine. Such a pretty, pretty girl. Sungguh comel loteh. She’s fair,
with rosy cheeks…..
Gossiper 1: (spoke to gossiper 2)I think she uses Fair & Lovely…hmmmph! (jealously)
Narrator : (continued)… dark eyes, and such silky black hair.
Gossiper 2: I think ah, she also uses Rejoice Silky Black lor!! For that hair...(in manglish)
Narrator : A very sesuai person to be in The Actors’ Studio. But! We must never judge
a book by its cover...Hmmmmmm……so let’s see how she sings and dances..
Christine and the other actresses started practicing their dance. *music:ABBA; dancing queen* Lead dancer is Carlotta. Christine danced horribly as if she had two left foot. They danced for a few minutes until the song reached a chorus where they twisted and Christine fell backwards.
Christine : (screaming) aaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!! (fell onto a dancer)
Chaos for a while. The music stopped.
Carlotta : (annoyed that her dance is interrupted. Spoke angrily to Christine) Christine!
You’re ruining my dance! Get up!
Christine sighed and got up.
Christine : (Apologised) Sorry!
Narrator : okeh…. Maybe she can sing? (doubting)
Pianist started playing the song ‘Hey Now’ by Hillary Duff. Carlotta started singing.
Carlotta : (Singing) Have you ever seen such a beautiful night…
I could almost kiss the stars, for shining so bright…
Christine : (singing nicely) and when you smiling I go..
( suddenly out of tune) oh, oh, oh
Carlotta : (screaming) Christine!!! Aaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh!!!!!!
The others got angry at Christine too. They crowded around her, scolding her. Christine looked meek and sorry.
Narrator : (sighing) haihhhhhhh…….. such a pretty face…and yet, she’s a pathetic
singer. An awful dancer too. Sedih, sedih…pretty, but not good. Just another
DUMB BLONDE. Whooopsss…..in this case, she’s not blonde! Okay, erm,
just another DUMB BLACK?!!
All the time, the phantom was watching them.
Phantom : Poor, poor Christine. A pretty lady, and yet,
no talent! Too bad…..but, i’m in love! Christine! Me amor! (expression in
love) What a beautiful girl!
Narrator : (gleeful) Ohhh, all this while, the phantom is in love with Christine!! Heheh..
Scene 2
(Stage: in the dressing room)
Christine cried alone in front of the mirror. The Phantom was watching her behind the mirror.
Christine : I’m awful. (sobbing) Why can’t I dance? Why can’t I sing? WHY??!!! (very
pathetically)
Narrator : That phantom really loves poking into people’s business…(pointing to the
phantom) Ei, penyibuklaa, you ugly ghost!!
Phantom appeared out of the mirror. Christine got shocked. She screamed very loudly.
Christine : Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!..........(without stopping)
Phantom : (in the midst of screaming) shush, girl! Be quiet!
Christine : (continued screaming) ………aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Phantom : Shut up!!
Christine : (suddenly silent) You’re, you’re..a ghost! (tried to touch his nose)
Phantom : Ha! Ha! Ha! (in booming voice) yessssss. I am, ahem, ahem, The Phantom,
(pause) of the, (pause) Opera!!! Eh, silap, ahem, ahem..I am, (backstage:drum
roll) the Phantom, (pause) of the Actors’ Studio!!! (applause from backstage)
Christine : But, you’re so short…
Phantom : Haa??!! (surprised and shocked) well, well, well, never mind. (acted macho) I
am here to teach you, how to sing, how to dance, and how to act. I, for one,
am very talented.
Christine : (blinked) aa?? Really aa??
Phantom : Yessssss, my lady. Come, we shall meet at 9 sharp every night and I shall
teach you all I know.
Narrator : And so, it was set. The phantom will train Christine and Christine will learn
from him. Will Christine fall in love with the phantom? Ahh… that, we shall
soon see…
Scene 3
Narrator : The phantom taught her to dance.
*music: Jamelia;superstar* The phantom taught Christine the steps. Then, he taught her to twirl. At the first time, she fell after twirling. The phantom helped her got up. She tried again, and she did it and then she curtsied. The phantom clapped his hands, gave her thumbs up, and looked happy. Christine looked overjoyed.
Narrator : He taught her how to sing. (music stops)
Phantom : Now, follow me. La la la la!!! (tune: do mi so do)
Christine : La la la (in tune) laaa!!! (coughed, out of tune)
Christine sighed.
Phantom : Try again, my love.
Christine : La,(pause) la,(pause) la,(pause) la!!!!! (in tune) Got it!! (smiling)
Narrator : And he taught her to act.
Phantom : (dramatic) Parting, is such sweet sorrow.
Christine : Erm, parking, is such street sorrow…
Phantom : No, no, no, no!! (sighed patiently)
Narrator : (sighing, getting bored) He taught her, and he taught her, and he taught
her…until….(suddenly very alive)*stage changes while narrator says this*
Scene 4
(Stage: in an audition room)
Christine: (acting dramatically) Romeo, Romeo, where art thou?
Judges applaud.
Chief Judge: Congratulations! You get the part!
Christine: (overjoyed) Thank you!!!
Narrator : Until she finally got the lead role in Romeo & Juliet…*stage changes while narrator says this*
Scene 5
(Stage: Christine’s performance night, stage decorated in a Romeo & Juliet scene)
Christine : (performing) Romeo, Romeo, where art thou?
Actor : I’m here, my love, by the bushes. (came out from the bush, meet Juliet)
Narrator : Meanwhile, Raoul, the Prosperous Man’s Son, aka the P.M.S., were watching
her. At first sight, he fell in love with her…
Scene paused. Christine and the actor froze. Raoul went around Christine.
Raoul : Oooooh… she’s so lovely! Her black hair, it’s soft and silky, and her face,
ooohh…so fair and rosy…(caressing Christine’s frozen face) I’m in
love…(sighing passionately)*music:can’t help falling in love*
Scene 6
(Stage: in the dressing room)
Christine was taking off her make-up and at the same time looking at the flowers and gifts she received. She picked out a card from the most beautiful bouquet of flowers.
Christine : (reading the card aloud) ehem, ehem
Dear Christine,
Your face is as fair and as soft as a kuih pau, (sighed in pleasure)
Your cheeks are as red and rosy as a baboon’s butt/ clown’s nose,
Your voice is as sweet as a cat’s meow, (backstage: meowing loudly)
And your skin is as smooth as the moon,
I love you, because you,
Are a beauty to my heart and soul….love, Raoul aka the PMS..
Christine blushed and looked happy. All the while, the phantom watched her.
Christine : Oooohhh, he’s sooo romantic!!
Phantom : (sad) My Christine’s in love….
Narrator : (as if commenting a football game) and there we have it, ladies and gentlemen,
A love triangle!! The phantom’s in love with Christine and Raoul’s in love
with Christine and Christine in love with Raoul! (all in one breath) waduh,
pening, pening kepala saya dibuatnya!
Scene 7
(Stage: Romantic sunset, under a tree)*music:
Christine and Raoul were dating under a tree. The phantom was peeping from behind the tree.
Raoul : Christine, my love! How I love you so!
Christine: Oh, Raoul! I love you too…
They hugged. Angrily, the phantom appeared from behind the tree. The two were so in love to notice him.*music stops abruptly*
Phantom : This cannot be! Christine is mine! Mine! (yanked Christine away.
Backstage: thunder and lightning sound) Hahahahhaha……..
Christine: (screamed) Aaaaaaaaaaa, Raoul! (cried out)
Phantom : You are mine! Mine! (backstage: thunder and lightning)
Narrator : Out of hatred and jealousy, Christine is kidnapped by The phantom,
Hahahahaha!!!!(backstage: thunder and lightning sound).. sorry, sorry, got a
little carried away..
Christine was taken away to the House of Mirrors. *music: harry potter; first played loudly and then softens down while scene changes*
Scene 8
(Stage: in the House of Mirrors)*music:harry potter; loud*
Raoul, in searched of Christine, stumbled into the house of mirrors. The Phantom, with Christine, were watching him from out side the House of Mirrors (side of stage). *music dies down*
Raoul : (calling out) Christine! Christine!
Christine: (sobbing) Raoul, my love!
Phantom: Hahahahaha! (backstage: thunder sound) do you not know, that he cannot hear
you?
Christine: Please, I beg you! (on bended knees) Let him go!!! (still crying, got up)
Phantom: Oh, no no no no. If I, the Phantom of the Opera, eh, silap again. If I, the
Phantom of the Actors’ Studio, let him go, he, of course, will marry you. And
that, of course, will never happen. You, (bending down, pulling out a ring)
must marry me…..Hahahahhahaha!(backstage: thunder sound)
Christine: (stopped crying, looking at the ring with fascination) eh? (showing the ring to
the audience) This is real diamond!! Wahhhh…..(for a moment, admiring the
ring, then started crying again) No!!! Let Raoul out!
Phantom : No??! Then, I will never let him go! Now, I shall torture him. Hahahaha!!!
(backstage: thunder sound) Oh!(annoyed) Cut it out!(pointing to the backstage
crew)
Raoul then was tortured in the House of Mirrors. Three torturers, dressed as mafias, complete with black sunglasses, came on stage. The torture leader commanded his sidekicks to pushed Raoul’s body flat to a mirror. The two sidekicks pressed on his hands. A postman arrived.
Postman : Package for the chief torturer, sign here please..(brought out a huge package
with a large feather picture on it)
Torturer : Hehehhehe…(gleeful)..aaahhh..(took out a small feather out of the box and
gave the package back to postman) thank you.
Torturer smiled gleefully started tickling Raoul’s armpits. Raoul laughed awfully loudly until he guffawed.
Raoul : Stop! Stop!...Hehehehe (laughed like PCK)
Torturer continued to tickle him. Raoul tried to free himself, but failed. Torturing continued until Christine yelled loudly to the phantom.
Christine: You bloody fool! (tried to strangle the phantom) Let him go!!
Phantom : Not until you promise to marry me…
Christine: (sighed) Okay. I promise. I will marry you. In fact, I will kiss you right now.
Christine kissed the phantom. A backstage crew came up the stage showing a card with ‘censored’ written on it and covered the kissing scene.
Narrator: Whoops….this part is censored…sorry!(grinning) Eh, The Censorship Board is
very strict laa nowadays…
Christine looked away, towards the audience, showing them that the kiss was horrible. She looked like she wanted to puke and covered up her mouth indicating that the phantom had bad breath. The ‘censored’ sign was taken off the stage. The phantom looked flustered and he was in seventh heaven. Narrator interviewed both of them. She started with Christine.
Narrator :So, how did it go? (anchorwoman style, handing mike to Christine)
Christine: It was horrible. I felt like vomiting and I still feel like wanting to puke. Oh,
excuse me, will ya? (moved away, puking)
Someone ran onstage and bring a bucket with ‘puke bucket’ sign pasted on it. She held it for Christine to puke into it.
Narrator : Will you still marry him?
Christine: I have too, you idiot! It’s the only way he’d let go of Raoul. Poor, poor Raoul.
Narrator : Okay, thanks for the interview. (shaked hands with Christine who still looked
like she’s wanting to puke and moved on to the Phantom)
Phantom : (dreamily) My very first kiss!
Narrator : So, how do you feel?
Phantom : Happy! She’s the first girl to ever kiss me. I love her!
Narrator : I suppose there will be a wedding next?
Phantom : Yes!!(happily)...No. (suddenly doubtful) I will let her go. And I will let Raoul
go. I am not the suitable man for her, and yet, because of her love for Raoul,
she agreed to marry me. That is a sign of true love. She wouldn’t want to live
with me, anyway. I’m a ghost! She will sure get a divorce someday if I
marry her. And, well, I have bad breath…sigh…
Narrator : (smiling) Ahh, soo? You will let them go?
Phantom : (sad) Yes, I will. I have too.
Narrator : Thank you for the interview, and now, we’re back to the show.(moved to the
side)
Raoul and Christine were let go. They reached out for each other’s hands.
Raoul : Christine!
Christine : Raoul!
Phantom : There. You’re both free. Go date. Get engaged. Get married. Go honeymoon.
Have kids. Go. You’re free now. Go. Go! (sad)
Raoul and Christine walked away.
Phantom : (suddenly screamed out) eh! Eh! Wait! Before you go, I just want to tell you,
my real name is Erik, and, well, this is my real face. (pulled off his mask.
Showed his very handsome face, laughing)
Christine and Raoul and also the narrator all looked shocked. The Phantom continued to laugh for a while and then leaved the stage.
Christine and Narrator(from the side): (gaped) wahh…..so handsome!!!
Raoul : (to Christine) oi! You’re supposed to marry me!
Christine : (back to reality) oh yeah, (sigh) okay…I’ll marry you, at least you don’t have
bad breath…
Scene 9
(Stage: normal stage)
All the characters were gone. The narrator was the only one left. She moved to the centre of the stage.
Narrator : (admiring the phantom) wow!!! The phantom is soooo handsome!! That’s it!
I’m not narrating anymore. I’ll be the phantom’s wife… oi, phantom!
Tunggu!! I want to marry you!!! (ran off the stage)
Interrupting audience: Oi! Wait! Before you go, what’s the moral of the story?
Narrator : (looked at the interrupting audience, gave girlish laugh) how would I know?
You thinklaa yourself…hehehe.. Bye!(got off the stage)
THE END
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Mia 4s1